Doofenshmirtz’s Baconator

I wrote this for a joke a friend made about the baconator. A real product or something. She made a P&F reference, and I took it to the next level.

“You see, Perry the Platypus. Back in Drusselstien, I was never allowed to eat bacon at breakfast. Every morning, I would wake up to the smell of cooking bacon and rush to the kitchen, grab my plate, and my mother would give me a large spoonful of grundilbrikkin. Of course, as you know, grundilbrikken is like a soup made of old oats and half a boot, so it didn’t stay on the plate very well. I suppose I could have grabbed a bowl, but who expects to get grundilbrikken for breakfast EVERY MORNING? I mean, do you know how many boots that is?

Anyway, while I was eating my grundilbrikken, my brother, ROGER, would get to eat a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs. With toast. Which was a rare commodity in Drusselstien, since only old lady Edgar had a toaster. Which was weird, since she didn’t have electricity. Or teeth.

Anyway, every day growing up, Roger would have a nice breakfast with plenty of protein and cow’s milk, while I was stuck with grundilbrikken and chicken’s milk, which is not as nutritious. And because of that, Roger grew up all big and strong an mayoresque, and I’m, well, you know what I look like, Perry the Platypus!

Which brings us to THIS! My BACONATOR! You see Perry the Platypus, anything the BACONATOR hits turns into BACON! And then I can eat the bacon, make up for all the lack of nutrition from my childhood, and then I’LL look mayoresque and then the Tri-State Area will be mine!!!

What? Why are you shaking your head like that? And rolling your eyes. Why is that? This will work. Trust me.”

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